Driving Miss Heidi

A study recently performed by a Canadian couple reveals that the act of driving (or driving in) a vehicle is a primal instinct for most pug dogs (also known as "mops", "carlin", or "is that a boxer?"). The results of this study are groundbreaking because they debunk the widely-held speciesist notion that only trained human beings are capable of operating complex machinery (within acceptible limits of vehicle collisions and general endangerment).

Pugs have a long history of crossing species boundaries (i.e. human/dog, cat/dog), dating back to their famed days as companions to Chinese emperors. Such royal positions were often held in other societies by cats, as was the case with Egyptian Pharaohs. Some are mystified at the thought of pugs taking the place of cats in positions of elegance and stature, since their contemporary reputation is as a lovable but often monstrous breed. The curiously variable nature of the breed is reflected in the origin of its name: "Originally a small but frightening demon, "puck" eventually led to "pug," which was used as a term of endearment for anything or anyone of small stature, including dogs or noses."

But why driving? What is it that humans and pugs have in common behind the wheel of a car? According to one of the researchers, "it is like being possessed - [the pug being studied] enters another dimension and becomes one with the car. It's a Zen thing." Symptoms recorded in the subject pug (Heidi) include increased blood pressure, alertness, excitement, need for speed, and quickened reflex and motor function reactions. Documented in a series of photographs (above), the pug can clearly be seen in the stages of transformation triggered by a car ride: sitting behind the wheel (knowledge of vehicle operations); the two-seat grip (for better traction and balance on turns); and flying through the air at 100km/hr (the study was unable to account for the flying phenomenon).

Of particular interest is the finding that, unlike humans, pugs do not display symptoms of road rage while driving. Despite being subjected to a series of carefully monitored tests (long drives, slow drivers, tailgating, getting cut-off, missing a light, honking, inappropriate hand signals, traffic, stalling, back-seat drivers, getting lost, being late, running low on gas, finding parking, stupid (or rather "distracted") pedestrians/cyclists, and all-round bad driving by people who should never have been given a flipping license in the first place (!!!), there was no measurable decline in the pug's enjoyment of the driving experience. It was the conclusion of the study that, all things considered, pugs make better drivers than people.