Dear Diary,Today I stuck my tongue out for a total of 16.5 out of 24 hours, a new record. Maximum extension reached: 1.75 inches. Tongue dryness factor: 8. Treats awarded for cuteness: 4 1/2. Weight gained: 1/4 lb. At this rate, by my calculations, I should reach an average of 6 treats per day by the time I turn 4 - a pretty impressive yield, about 40% above industry standard. Anticipated weight by age 4: 26 lbs. This is 62.5% higher than the average pug weight of 16 lbs as cited by veterinarians. However, it is still about 10% lower than the average pug weight in our Pug Group, so my goal is to reach first place in weight by age 5. Beatrice is presenting some serious competition in this area, but she hasn't yet caught on to the tongue manoeuver, a considerable handicap. Victory will be mine.
Yours truly,
Heidi
aka Heidegger the Plump
2 comments:
I would personally like to protest the industry standard. By my deductions, said standard was likely established when the pug was recognized by the Americal Kennel Club in 1885. Now, the average weight in a male human back then was 71kg or 156 lbs. Due to evolution, that average has increased to 83kg or 183lbs today. That's a 27 lb increase. So by doing a little cross multiplication to put it into proportion (that's 16/156 = x/183 right guys??), I show that the average weight of a pug today should actually be 19 lbs. So cheer up Bea, you still have some time yet to pull ahead of Heidi. I suggest creating a manoeuver of your very own. And patent it, if necessary. I'm still making a lot of money of my 'chin-rest mooch.' I certainly couldn't pick a favourite so may the Best Pug Win!
Cheers!
Muffin the Wonder Pug.
Muffin, you've made my day to find out that I am officially below the average male weight. Can't say I can compete with the 1885 average though...
And cross multiplication is one of the few mathematical tools that I use on a regular basis. Who woulda thunk?
Heidi also does a chin-rest mooch, but only on very rare occasions. We're unable to resist it. Thank goodness she hasn't figured out how powerful it is. Bea also has a special technique, but not to get treats. When she wants to come in the house, she presses her face up against the glass door. Cute, squished, distorted pug face. Irresistable.
Post a Comment